Why does my boyfriend hits me

But one in 11 high school students report having been physically assaulted by a date, according to "Abusive Relationships," on the TeensHealth website. If your boyfriend hit you, you are in an abusive relationship. Talk to a trusted adult or friend to ensure your safety. Often a young woman may not question whether she is in an abusive relationship until her boyfriend hits her.

An abusive boyfriend might attempt to control your whereabouts and threaten to harm himself or you. He might put you down, hit you or show excessive jealousy, according to TeensHealth.

Feeling afraid is not normal in a relationship. Ask friends and family to help you escape this relationship. If police arrive, they aren't ashamed of their behavior; they feel justified i. Most abusers don't get the treatment they need in order to stop. They don't want help because they believe they are in the right.

Furthermore, the beatings are likely to escalate over time. Ask for help from your close friends, family or a domestic abuse organization, and make a plan to leave ASAP. If you're seeking help with an abusive spouse or boyfriend, call or the National Teen Dating Abuse Hotline at Or visit Love is Respect from 4 PM to midnight for a live, online chat.

Why do I still find it so hard to say abuse? Is it because friends who know the truth about us, know that he hit me continue to be his adoring friends? Is it because I know that he would stop to give money to homeless people, that he squeals at puppies and that he fiercely loves his family?

Or is it because he crushed my self confidence, made me question my emotions and ignored or refused to admit to any time he grabbed me, pushed me, belittled me, punched me or screamed in my face? Or is it because to acknowledge what was happening to me was to acknowledge my own abusive behaviour? I had called partners names, I had made mean comments on things which I knew they were insecure about and I had belittled them in front of friends for a cheap laugh. Was this merely a case of what goes around comes around?

I was manipulative, needy and possessive. I asked him to do things which were unfair and controlling, I overreacted to moments that did not need a reaction — I was impatient and insecure. For a long time, this lead me to think that maybe he only reacted like that because of how I behaved and how abusive I was. The thing is, we have such a warped idea of what abuse looks like. I can give you dozens of examples from TV and film of that cruel, physically abusive man and that timid, terrified woman.

Why would I hit the man I loved? He was a kind, affectionate, sweet guy, or at least, he could be. Someone I love very much was abused over 40 years ago and she still feels like it was her fault — that somehow she asked for it. At the end of the plays, movies and TV shows I saw as a child, it was black and white. The abuser was cruel and defeated — they slunk away, never to be seen again.

The survivor remained, innocent, gentle, triumphant, strong, powerful. Occasionally, I see a photo of him online, liked by a friend or retweeted by a colleague. He smiles out at me, surrounded by friends. Meanwhile, I see myself. I am single, I find it hard to make new friends. I am afraid of any form of relationship. While I have grown to acknowledge that my own faults do not excuse the treatment I received and while I have grown stronger and prouder and louder over the past two years of being single and free, I continue to doubt myself.

Now you need to discuss things with your boyfriend to show him that you know what you did was wrong, and the biggest regret of what you did was hitting him in the process. Domestic violence is never okay, even if you say to yourself, "I hit my boyfriend, I want to change.

The steps listed below are not guaranteed to make your boyfriend forgive you or stay with you, but they provide the best chance for continuing a healthy relationship.

You want to try and make things right with your boyfriend by apologizing to them as soon as you can. Domestic violence can be very hurtful, so apologize right away. You need to make sure that the apology comes from your heart. Giving a sincere apology is the number one priority after hitting your boyfriend. Since you know your boyfriend well, you should know the best way to tender an apology.

Saying " I hit my boyfriend " to yourself is a good way to recognize the problem, but if you're not telling him directly, you won't fix it. He needs to hear the words and know that you don't think violence against him was the right thing to do. Expressing how sorry you are is the first step toward healing.

If you have trouble making an apology, you may need to take some time out to consider the effect and impact of your actions.

Doing this may require you to put yourself in their shoes so that you can see the situation from a more empathetic perspective. After recognizing that you have done something bad or hurtful, try forgiving yourself. Please note that this doesn't mean that you will not be remorseful; it simply means that you're not going to let it bring you down.

Shame can be a result of not forgiving yourself and can be very harmful to a person. You must know how to move past your own mistakes, big or small, and commit to getting on a better path. Those who cannot forgive themselves can end up struggling with things like substance use disorder, eating disorders, and even suicide attempts. We all make mistakes; it's part of being human.

Those mistakes do not have to define you as long as you own up to your problems, make amends, and are determined to change your behaviors so that no one else gets harmed in the future including yourself.

If you or a loved one are experiencing suicidal thoughts, reach out for help immediately. You can promise your boyfriend that you won't hit him again if that promise feels right for you and him. But even more important than stating a promise is to commit to yourself that you will not hit him again.

Promises can be broken if the one making them hasn't made the goal a personal mission. Doing this may require that you carefully draw out a plan. Also, you may need to consult a therapist or mentor to support you and hold you accountable for your new goals.

Source: rawpixel. Being aware of your emotional state and feelings will be helpful as you navigate what brought you to engage in domestic violence. What emotions did you feel when you were about to hit your boyfriend? What physical sensations did you feel in your body? How did you feel after? Do you think you'd recognize it if you got to that point again?

If you can figure out the mindset that got you to a violent point in the first place, you'll be more equipped to keep yourself from getting to that point again in the future. The next time you get angry or upset with your boyfriend, pay attention to whether your feelings are going back to that place and remove yourself from the situation before you lose control. Something that could be helpful is learning tools for anger management and emotional regulation.

These could include things such as:. Each person in a relationship is responsible for their own emotions. The better you recognize and control them, the more harmonious your relationship is likely to be. Once domestic violence occurs once, there's a good chance it will keep happening if you don't take steps to curb it.